Hilarious things by people on internet

How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the f$$$ing plants

Friend: Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z wait, shit.

My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert. Just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating, so she calls me a pervert again?!? There is no justice in the world...

Facebook keeps giving me targeted ads for gay social networking sites, and telling
me where I can meet "hot gay men in my area." I am a straight female.

I walked by a really big guy on a bike the other day. He yelled, "GET OUT OF THE WAY." He was on an exercise bike at the gym.

It was either going to be the best orrgsm I ever had, or I was going to shit myself. I played it safe and made him stop.

Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that @nel s3x is nice because it works on all genders.

my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests.

Girls and windows Vs Boys and Linux

Girls and Windows
Both have a great UI(User Interface).
Both consume large resources and do less work.
Both crash unexpectedly.
Both are not easily portable on different architectures (environment).
Both can't work on low resource architectures (environment).
Both are costly to maintain.
Both give mostly unexpected outputs.
Both working often contradicts with their documentation.
Both are easily prone to viruses (rumors and doubts) (and they (viruses) do spread very fast in windows based networks).
In spite of all above disadvantages, both are liked very much.

Boys and Linux
Both have an average UI(User Interface).
Both are robust.
Both are highly secure.
Both can be easily modified to support new concepts/features.
Both are efficient.
Both are easily portable to any architecture (environment) no matter how low are resources.
You can easily guess the output for your input (in Linux just open its code, for boys they are mostly transparent by nature).
Both provide large support for development (work environment).
Both are poorly documented.

Call centre bloopers

Telesales agent getting the customer's credit card info:
Agent: Can I have your expiration date, sir?
Customer: My what?!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Agent verifying info from the customer:
Agent: Is that a P for Ping-Pong?
Customer: No, it's B.
Agent: Oh, B, like Bing-Bong...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
Agent answering a call:
Agent: Thank you for calling Dish Network Department, my name is Vince..... (sees that the number called by customer is for a different client-- a DirecTV dealer).
Customer: So, I called the wrong number then?
Agent: Let me transfer you to DirecTV please dont go.... (puts the customer on hold, and then)... Thank you for calling DirecTV Department, my name is Vince...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Agent wrapping up the sale:
Agent: Our INSTALLATORS will contact you within the next 24 hours to verify your installation schedules...
Customer: Uhm.... say what, now. Who's gonna call me?
Agent: The INSTALLATORS, sir.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Agent getting coupon code from customer:
Agent: Can I ask for the coupon code? It's a bunch of letters.
Customers: Like ABCs?
Agent: Yes.
Customer: Ok. ABCDEFG....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Agent trying to create urgency over the available promotion:
Agent: Are you sure you don't want to take advantage of me?
Customer: Say, what?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Agent trying to upsell a warranty:
Agent: Here's an example: In California, a plane crashed into a customer's house, their dish was replaced, no questions asked!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Agent trying to upsell a TiVo to customer:
Agent: With a TiVo, you can do this and that, and you know, pretty much anything under the sun. Isn't that a great offer?
Customer: What?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Agent verifying correct spelling:
Agent: Is that a B as in boy, or a B as in Bravo?
Customer: ...uhmmm... how about B as in Boy?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Technical Agent: To help you out with your concern, ma'am, let me just pull out my tool here, ok? (referring to a computer program used in call centers to address the customer's concerns)
Customer: Pull out your what now?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Tech Support: Okay, Bob, just type P on your keyboard?
Customer: What? Could you repeat that?
Tech Support: 'P' on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: No way. I'm not going to do that.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Irate Customer: F***k you!
Tech Support: Sir, we're not allowed to say "F***k you!" here...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

Agent: It's C as in CAT.
Customer: what?
Agent: C as in CAT. C-A-T as in meow meow...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Agent: Alright, let me verify that... Was that a "G" as in golf?
Customer (with a different accent): NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Oh, Gebra! like the one in the Goo?!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Tech support: We're going to perform a check disk to see if your hard drive has errors in it. Please type in C-H-K-D-S-K.
Customer: What is that again?
Tech Support: C-H-K-D-S-K. .. that is... C as in Charlie... H as in Harley... K as in Karly.. D as in Darley... S as in Sarley... and K as in Karly... got it?