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Hilarious things by people on internet

How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the f$$$ing plants

Friend: Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z wait, shit.

My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert. Just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating, so she calls me a pervert again?!? There is no justice in the world...

Facebook keeps giving me targeted ads for gay social networking sites, and telling
me where I can meet "hot gay men in my area." I am a straight female.

I walked by a really big guy on a bike the other day. He yelled, "GET OUT OF THE WAY." He was on an exercise bike at the gym.

It was either going to be the best orrgsm I ever had, or I was going to shit myself. I played it safe and made him stop.

Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that @nel s3x is nice because it works on all genders.

my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests.

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