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Showing posts from September, 2011

Funny Lawyer and Attorney Jokes

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years! Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!" Defense Attorney: Did he take you? Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, “April Fool!” And that's when I shot the son of a bitch! Attorney to Witness: "Your foster son, Corey, who cooks for him?” Witness: “Oh, I do.” Attorney: “How often do you cook for him?” Witness: “We have probably one good meal a week.” Attorney: “Well, no commentary on your cooking, but how many bad meals do you have?” The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict. Bitterly he asked, “What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this m

Funny Photo Fun

Relax and enjoy funny photo fun - Automobile on remote - Boat pulling a boat. - Goose Stealing money - Half drunk horse - Nightmare Bus (scary one) - The most secure garage in the world to park your Ferrari. - This is the end of the road. - Tiger sitting over tiger.

Cop and the butcher

Cop enters the butcher shop and the butcher asks: Excuse me-please, if you have a bovine tendon, I need a wire for bass guitar. -DO NOT HAVE, but "because we are freaking me out cows for the harmonica. How pointsman reduces clutter at the roundabout? Ode to a break. He left a policeman with his son to Egypt and visit the museum there. Take a break by writing under which the mummy RAXV-1900-Dad, Dad, what's this? -Do not you see, the dead man ... -And what are the letters below it? -Registration of the car that ran over him ... Cop sees a kid sitting at the kiosk and asked him: - Is "you, kid, right" and you're sitting at home on a newsstand? Sit on the type of street next to baskets of apples with small bones. It comes and asks the cop: cop: What is that? Tip: Nothing, just bones for sale from Apple. Pandur: And what does this do? Tip: eat one, so you're smarter. Cop (after a short reflection on "Everybody tells me I'm stupid): And when's

Pedro's History Lesson

Pedro's history lesson (This is the best) It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty or give me Death?' " She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1765." "Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?" Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!" She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!" "Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a stude

Funny side of Google Maps and interesting places

Simply copy these coordinates to Google Maps and switch to satellite view and get ready to discover or find funny side of Google Maps and its ability to show interesting places. 51°21'44.46"N 7°33'28.70"E - MIG on parking lot. 33°44'50.66"N 112°37'59.09"W - Triangle in  desert. 45°7'25.57"N 123°6'49.63"W - Firefox Logo (I find this one funny) 44°14'39.38"N 7°46'11.05"E - Big pink rabbit [Never saw so big rabbit ;)] 46°45'56.41"N 100°47'33.86"W - Truck in an accident 31°40'37.11"S 141°14'23.68"E - Picture in desert 32°9'1.75"N 110°49'56.57"W - Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, Tucson, Arizona 22°26'4.44"N 91°43'46.32"E - Wreck of the ship 43°58'43.41"N 15°23'4.65"E - Heart Shaped Island ( The most romantic gift from Google maps )

The Farmer and attorney

A farmer was arrested and accused of bestiality. Too indigent to hire an attorney, the Public Defender comes to visit the farmer. “So,” the farmer says, “are you any good?” The Public Defender responds, “Well, I'm not so good at opening arguments... and I ain't so good at summations... and, well I'm not so good at anything in between.” The farmer responds, “So what are you good at?” The attorney responds, “Well, I'm pretty good at picking juries.” The farmer, not having an alternative, throws his fate to the Public Defender. The day of the trial arrives, and the farmer is being grilled by the Prosecuting Attorney. “So, Mr. Farmer, isn't it true that the goat in question is your goat?” “Yep, she is.” “And, Mr. Farmer, isn't it true that on the day in question you were seen out in the field doing hanky panky  with your goat?” There is silence in the courtroom, and before the farmer can answer, over in the jury box, one juror leans over to another an

Collection of Short Funny Jokes

These  collection of short funny jokes will definitely entertain you and make use of your time to laugh out loud.. Two workers take their lunch break, the first fact: - You know Victor Hugo? - Not - You're wrong, you should follow the course of the evening! The next day, always the same: - Do you know Albert Einstein? - No - You're wrong, you should follow the course of the evening! Two days later, here we go again: - You know Karl Marx? - No. - You're wrong, you should follow the course of the evening! So while the other is upset: And you, you know John Smith? - No?? - You're wrong, it is the one who kisses your wife while you have evening classes! Yet another short Funny jokes "Two mites are found in one pull, one said: - Where are you going on holiday this year? - At the edge of the sleeve. " This is the story of two tourists, one French and one Italian, crossing the Sahara desert with a camel and camel driver. After several day

Short joke about alligator and lawyer

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, “I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We are the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.” Well, says the big alligator,“what have you been eating? “Lawyers, same as you,” replies the small alligator. “Hmmmm. Well, where do you catch them?” “Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp.” “Same here. Hmmm. How do you catch them?” Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite them, shake the crap out of them, and eat them! “Ah!” says the big alligator, “I think I see your problem. By the time you get done shaking' the crap out of a lawyer , there's nothin' left but lips and a briefcase.”

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