Friday, September 30, 2011

Funny Lawyer and Attorney Jokes

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I
haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to
him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, “April Fool!” And that's when I shot
the son of a bitch!

Attorney to Witness: "Your foster son, Corey, who cooks for him?”
Witness: “Oh, I do.”
Attorney: “How often do you cook for him?”
Witness: “We have probably one good meal a week.”
Attorney: “Well, no commentary on your cooking, but how many bad meals do you

The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict.
Bitterly he asked, “What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?”
The foreman answered, “Insanity.”
The D.A. said, “All twelve of you???”

A lawyer died and arrived at the gates of paradise. In his confusion, there are thousands of
the person before him in line to see St.Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk in
door and down the long line in which a lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer's hands and guided it up
the front line, and a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said: "I
mind all this attention, but why am I so special? "
St Peter replied, "Well, I added all the time in which you billed your clients, and
By my calculations, you should be about 193 years! "

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Funny Photo Fun

Relax and enjoy funny photo fun

- Automobile on remote

- Boat pulling a boat.

- Goose Stealing money

- Half drunk horse

- Nightmare Bus (scary one)

- The most secure garage in the world to park your Ferrari.

- This is the end of the road.

- Tiger sitting over tiger.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Cop and the butcher

Cop enters the butcher shop and the butcher asks: Excuse me-please, if you have a bovine tendon, I need a wire for bass guitar. -DO NOT HAVE, but "because we are freaking me out cows for the harmonica.
How pointsman reduces clutter at the roundabout? Ode to a break.
He left a policeman with his son to Egypt and visit the museum there. Take a break by writing under which the mummy RAXV-1900-Dad, Dad, what's this? -Do not you see, the dead man ... -And what are the letters below it? -Registration of the car that ran over him ...

Cop sees a kid sitting at the kiosk and asked him: - Is "you, kid, right" and you're sitting at home on a newsstand?

Sit on the type of street next to baskets of apples with small bones. It comes and asks the cop: cop: What is that? Tip: Nothing, just bones for sale from Apple. Pandur: And what does this do? Tip: eat one, so you're smarter. Cop (after a short reflection on "Everybody tells me I'm stupid): And when's that? Type: 25 din piece. Pandur: Give one. (Dramatic pause here goes while he eats) See, for 25 din I could buy a kilo of apples, so to get 20 small bones instead of one! Tip: You see, it works! cop: You're right, give two!

Cop standing in line at the bookstore, my father's son to buy certain items for school. Come on line and salesperson asks him: - Please? - Give me a notebook and pencil to circle the third grade. -? - Well, a notebook and pencil to circle the third grade. All this from a dark corner watching his inspector. All of a sudden pop up and breach you are: - Get out you fool, do you do? Sorry, this he will no longer ... I have a globe of Yugoslavia.

Police officer asks the man in the car: What do you have the winter gear? Says the man: long pants.
Montenegrin came to the police station and bring a pillow. - "Yes, sir," said the policeman on duty. - "Behold, I have heard people mention some speed bumps and reko to sign up."
Meet the police officers at the summit! What to do, spend a lot of trial balloons for a driver alcohol intoxication? Determine that it goes much, and costs. He gets up a clever and says: - Give them to blow in kurton! Who is drunk, the will to blow, and who is sober, no! The cop went to a pharmacy and asks for condoms in 1000, and the seller will be to: - Here, so far they beat us, now going to fuck us! A grandmother said behind him: - Son, to come to the station or going from house to house?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Pedro's History Lesson

Pedro's history lesson (This is the best)

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.

"Who said 'Give me Liberty or give me Death?' " She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.

"Patrick Henry, 1765."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!" "Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little monster! If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh sh!t, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally someone throws a eraser at Pedro - someone shouted, "Duck"!
Teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that?

Pedro: ~censored~ Cheney 2006!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Funny side of Google Maps and interesting places

Simply copy these coordinates to Google Maps and switch to satellite view and get ready to discover or find funny side of Google Maps and its ability to show interesting places.

51°21'44.46"N 7°33'28.70"E - MIG on parking lot.

33°44'50.66"N 112°37'59.09"W - Triangle in  desert.

45°7'25.57"N 123°6'49.63"W - Firefox Logo (I find this one funny)

44°14'39.38"N 7°46'11.05"E - Big pink rabbit [Never saw so big rabbit ;)]

46°45'56.41"N 100°47'33.86"W - Truck in an accident

31°40'37.11"S 141°14'23.68"E - Picture in desert

32°9'1.75"N 110°49'56.57"W - Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, Tucson, Arizona

22°26'4.44"N 91°43'46.32"E - Wreck of the ship

43°58'43.41"N 15°23'4.65"E - Heart Shaped Island (The most romantic gift from Google maps)

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Farmer and attorney

A farmer was arrested and accused of bestiality. Too indigent to hire an attorney, the Public
Defender comes to visit the farmer.
“So,” the farmer says, “are you any good?”
The Public Defender responds, “Well, I'm not so good at opening arguments... and I ain't so good at summations... and, well I'm not so good at anything in between.”
The farmer responds, “So what are you good at?”
The attorney responds, “Well, I'm pretty good at picking juries.”
The farmer, not having an alternative, throws his fate to the Public Defender.
The day of the trial arrives, and the farmer is being grilled by the Prosecuting Attorney.
“So, Mr. Farmer, isn't it true that the goat in question is your goat?”
“Yep, she is.”
“And, Mr. Farmer, isn't it true that on the day in question you were seen out in the field
doing hanky panky  with your goat?”
There is silence in the courtroom, and before the farmer can answer, over in the jury box,
one juror leans over to another and whispers, “You know, a good goat will do that.”

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Collection of Short Funny Jokes

These collection of short funny jokes will definitely entertain you and make use of your time to laugh out loud..

Two workers take their lunch break, the first fact:
- You know Victor Hugo?
- Not
- You're wrong, you should follow the course of the evening!
The next day, always the same:
- Do you know Albert Einstein?
- No
- You're wrong, you should follow the course of the evening!
Two days later, here we go again:
- You know Karl Marx?
- No.
- You're wrong, you should follow the course of the evening!
So while the other is upset:
And you, you know John Smith?
- No??
- You're wrong, it is the one who kisses your wife while you have evening classes!

Yet another short Funny jokes
"Two mites are found in one pull, one said:
- Where are you going on holiday this year?
- At the edge of the sleeve. "

This is the story of two tourists, one French and one Italian, crossing the Sahara desert with a camel and camel driver.
After several days the lack of women is felt, and everyone dreams of the camel in its own way.
The French think: Ah, if only it were Sophie Marceau.
The Italian: Ah if only it was Sophia Loren.
And the camel: Ah if only it was the night ...

A woman goes to confession.
- My father, she said, crying, I have sinned, I have deceived my husband, I donned a SAUSAGE!
Father, very embarrassed, replied in a whisper ...
- Speak low, my daughter ... And the woman always respond by shouting.
- Yeah FROM BELOW !!!!!!

Enjoy some more funny jokes

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Short joke about alligator and lawyer

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and
says, “I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We are the same age;
we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.”

Well, says the big alligator,“what have you been eating?
“Lawyers, same as you,” replies the small alligator.

“Hmmmm. Well, where do you catch them?”
“Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp.”

“Same here. Hmmm. How do you catch them?”
Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out,
bite them, shake the crap out of them, and eat them!

“Ah!” says the big alligator, “I think I see your problem. By the time you get done
shaking' the crap out of a lawyer, there's nothin' left but lips and a briefcase.”