David Cameron goes to a science exhibition and is shown a time machine
which can see 100 years into the future.
The man in charge invites him to ask any question he likes.
"What will Australia be like in 100 years time?"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives a printout,
which the man reads:
"The country is in good hands under the new Prime Minister, crime is
non-existent, there is no conflict, and the economy is healthy. There are no
"He has another go
"What will China be like in 100 years time?"
Another print out:
"The country is the world's leading economy and everyone there enjoys the
highest standard of living in the world"
Cameron then asks
"What will Great Britain be like in 100 years time?"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action. The man gets a printout,
but he's just stares at it.
"Come on," says Cameron "What does it say?"..................
The man replies, "Buggered if I know! It's all in Arabic!"
And the fun loving Irish joke
Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all
been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub
on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick,
took a boat out to the middle of the lake.
Paddy, stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned! Mick just
barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused,Paddy, went to see his grandmother.
'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross
the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said,
"Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather
were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were
born in August, ya f***in eejit"