Its All Humor

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.' To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.' And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.' He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile.' So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?' The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.' Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.' The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a s...

University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects: 1) Gained weight. 2) Talked excessively without making sense. 3) became overly emotional. 4) Couldn't drive. 5) Failed to think rationally. 6) Argued over nothing. 7) Had to sit down while urinating. 8)refused to apologize when obviously wrong. No further testing was considered necessary.

An African ambassador visited Russia and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer. On the last day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it's time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette . One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger." This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers. Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief. The African ambassador was impressed with the couragous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year. When the visit came, the African ambas...

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "IT'S A GUY THING" Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Means: "I have no idea how it works." "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra." "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD." Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "THAT...

Best of Darwinism The human race is doomed. In case you needed further proof that part of the human race is doomed, here are some instructions from labels on consumer goods: On Sears hair dryer: - Do not use while sleeping. On a a bag of Fritos: - You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. On a bar of Dial soap: - Directions: Use like regular soap. On Swan frozen dinners: - Serving suggestion: Defrost. On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box: - Fits one head. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: - Do not turn upside down. (Printed on bottom of box.) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: - Product will be hot after heating. On package for a Rowenta Iron: - Do not iron clothes on body. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: - Do not drive a car or operate machinery. On Nytol (a sleep aid): - Warning: May cause drowsiness! On a Korean kitchen knife: - Warning: Keep out of children. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: - ...

Boss: Where were you born? Sardar: India .. Boss: which part? Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India . 2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing. Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more. Sardar: What is the name of your car? Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'. Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol. Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening. Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright. Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken. Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one. At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh! Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying? Sardar: U cheated me. Shopkeeper: ...

A Man buys a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: Dad: Son where were you today during school hours? Son: At school (robot slaps son) Son: Okay I went to the movies! Dad: Which one? Son: Harry Potter (robot slaps again!) Son: Okay I was watching p o r n. Dad: What? When I was your age I didn't even know what p o r n was! (robot slaps dad) Mom: hahahahaha! after all he is your Son!(robot slaps Mom) roflmao........ For some more  short funny jokes