Hilarious things by people on internet

How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the f$$$ing plants

Friend: Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z wait, shit.

My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert. Just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating, so she calls me a pervert again?!? There is no justice in the world...

Facebook keeps giving me targeted ads for gay social networking sites, and telling
me where I can meet "hot gay men in my area." I am a straight female.

I walked by a really big guy on a bike the other day. He yelled, "GET OUT OF THE WAY." He was on an exercise bike at the gym.

It was either going to be the best orrgsm I ever had, or I was going to shit myself. I played it safe and made him stop.

Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that @nel s3x is nice because it works on all genders.

my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests.

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Twenty hilarious funny quotes

1. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. (My personal favorite funny quotes ) 2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. 3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! 4. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash. 5. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. 6. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. 7. You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it. 8. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. 9. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. 10. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway. 11. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. 12. Those who can't laugh at themselves ...

Top 10 Hilarious Quotes

Here are top 10 hilarious quotes .. Do let me know your thoughts by posting your valuable comments: 1- Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. 2- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 3- There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side. 4- An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing. 5- Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference. 6- When you are right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets. 7- Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. [Hilarious Quotes] from my small nephew.. 8- If you can not see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. 9 - A recent police study found that you are much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. 10 - Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. Some more funny quotes and funny sayings is li...

Funny Statuses Quotes For Facebook

Here, i present you very best of Funny Statuses Quotes For Facebook which of course you can use as your Facebook status A good friend would bail you out of jail, but your best friend would be the one sitting next to you saying, "damn that was awesome". I feel sleepy 24x7!....what to do??? "Most people say U have changed but no 1 dares to look into you eyes and say u have compromised a lot" Accidentally wore a red shirt and khaki pants to target today, and long story short, i think i have been promoted to assistant manager. The internet is perfect because it satisfies my desire to be alone while still getting attention from people. Best error message of the century An error shown by a computer: "No keyboard found. ...Press any key to continue...." I drink once in a blue moon but the problem is why that blue moon comes so frequently.... lol In the good old days, girls used to cook like their mothers, NOW THEY DRINK LIKE THEIR FATHE...

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