Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Loss of Appetite

A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a
slice Of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's
this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something. "a bowl of
soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you
like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a
rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra....I'm
still not hungry."

"Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."

I , Being poor , Have only my dreams.
I spread my dreams , Beneath your feet.
Walk softly , Lest you tread on my dreams.
Reply With Quote

Funny Tequila Joke

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a
bottle lying in the street.

Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and
the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything
you want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila."
Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want,
so make me pee tequila."

The Genie grants him his wish.

When the Mexican gets home, he gets a glass out of the cupboard and
pees in it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like tequila.
Then he smells the liquid. Smells like tequila. So he takes a taste
and it is the best tequila he has ever tasted.

The Mexican yells to his wife, "Consuelo, Consuelo, come quickly!"
She comes running down the hall and the Mexican takes another glass
out of the cupboard and fills it. He tells her to drink it. It is
tequila.

Consuelo is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best
tequila she has ever tasted. The two drank and partied all night.

The next night the Mexican comes home from work and tells his wife to
get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to fill the two
glasses. The result is the same. The tequila is excellent and the
couple drinks until the sun comes up.

Finally Friday night comes and the Mexican comes home and tells his
wife, "Consuelo, grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink
Tequila."

His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.

The Mexican begins to fill the glass; and when he fills it, his wife
asks him, "But Pancho, why do we need only one glass?"

Pancho raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, Mi Amor, you
drink from the bottle."

Arriba!

A Chat With Jesus

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a vodka and cranberry along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.
This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family.
You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."

And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".

I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it.
"Jesus," I said, " what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"

He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone.
I would love to chat with you some more, Senor , but for now, I have to finish your lawn."