Its All Humor

Confession of a elementary school teacher in Germany, some are really funny and hilarious ... I am a teacher of elementary school ... sometimes it can be very hard. Here are some examples of student essays that I've collected over the last 2 years: -The train stopped with a screech of brakes and the passengers evacuated on the platform. - "Last week, we took a field trip to Castle Wolfenstein, the class teacher, Miss Mueller joined us at this old ruin we saw the old chipped front and rear walls ... the loopholes.." By-state rooms, the Knights also had heated woman. -Everyone listened, as Luther in 1642 his 95 prostheses knocked at the Castle Church in Wittenberg. Caesar made ​​the stock fully and everyone stood at attention in his pile. Graf Zeppelin was the first to set sail in different directions. -The pasture is located high in the mountains. There is the shepherd, and the dairymaid. In the spring becomes distended, abortion in the fall. -Our school used ...

After Accident A hunter was out enjoying a nice morning in the woods when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged ... shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor, who said, "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot." "What's the bad news?" asked the hunter. "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister." "Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" "Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the Chicago Sympho...

Argentina Vs Brazil World Cup 2010 - Must see I wish to see Argentina Vs Brazil in World Cup 2010 final ... and i have imagined the match will be like in the picture below...

The other day I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented. I said, "A folding bottle." She said, "Okay, what do you call it?" "A Fottle", I said. "What else do you have?" "A folding carton." "What do you call it?" "A Farton." She sniggered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude." I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket

It was the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house Tiger Woods came a flying', chased by his spouse. She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry, Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry . He’d been cheating' on Elin, and the story progressed. Woman after woman stepped up and confessed. He’d been cheating’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori, With Joselyn, and Kalika, the world had the story. From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues, Tiger Woods sad sordid tale was all over the news. With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex, When not in their pants, he was sending' them text messages. Despite all his crying’ and begging' and pleading', Tiger Woods wife went investing' -- a new home in Sweden. And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade, "If you’re getting laid then I’m getting paid." She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer, Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment AND THEY HIRED HIM. ( NAME: George Ballmun DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA HA, but seriously, whatever is available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PR...

Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven Sir Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Six. Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven!!! Teacher: Where the f**k do you get seven from?!?!? Johnny: Because I f**king have 1 at home!!!

6:30 am Wake up and lie awake in bed. 6:31 Realize you spent $18 on last night's dinner, means no eating out for the next 6 weeks. 6:32 Hit snooze button. Go back to sleep. 7:00 Wake up suddenly with heart in mouth when you realize you didn't hit the snooze button -- you turned it off. 7:01 Fall asleep again. 7:44 Wake up with heart in mouth again. 7:45 Get ready to go to school, will shave tomorrow, will eat early brunch at (Denny's/Penny's/Lenny's/Dinko's whatever cafeteria). 8:03 Arrive at school. Realize your foreign office mate arrived earlier today must have got more work done. 8:04 Pass by Advisor's office, chat with Secretary to find out if he is coming in today. He is, darn. Need to start work on the draft due this afternoon. 8:15 Read electronic mail. 8:20 Delete mail from students taking CMPSC201 regarding questions about the class. Hate your TA job. Depression: too much work to do today. 9:00 For jump-start: go to Pepsi machine. 9:05 Kick Pepsi m...

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic ; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you mak...

Best Joke in the world A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“ Second Place Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, bullet Astronomically, it tells me th...

CLASS TIME The class was very noisy just now because there wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly turned quiet. That is because the fiercest teacher in the school had entered the class. Her face is as fierce as a lion which will bite anyone's head off if offended... And if you wanna know more.... follow the lesson. Students: Good morning, teacher. Teacher : (shouting) Why is it only good morning? What about afternoon and night? Students: Good morning, afternoon and night teacher! Teacher : That is unacceptable! It is too long. Just wish me best regards for my whole day! That is much better as it is easier and full of meaning. And that greeting can also be used for all times. Students: Best regards teacher! Teacher : That's better, sit down! Listen today I'm going to test you all on words that have the opposite meaning. When I say a sentence or word, all of you must answer quickly the opposite meaning to the words, understand? Students: Understood teacher! Teacher...