Its All Humor

1. "I never argue with people on the internet. It's like wrestling with a pig in mud. After a while, you realize the pig likes it." - Unknown  2. "The best part about chatting online is that no one knows you're rolling your eyes." - Unknown  3. "I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am." - Unknown   4. "I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but his theft was just too well-coordinated." - Unknown  5. "I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off." - Unknown  Humorous quotes about chat and communication that may be of interest:   1. "The internet is a place where people from all over the world can share pictures of their pets and argue with total strangers." - Unknown  2. "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." - Douglas Adams  3. "T...

Al Bundy's quotes/quotations about women and sex, some of em are very funny and hilarious. Some are really hard ones, ladies please don't mind... Its just for humor. Women, you can not live WITH them ... End. Bed them, but do not wed them. Six dollars is too much dough, to waste on a woman. Only widowers have angels as women. Sex gets better every time ... as long as it is not always with the same woman. That's no lady. That's my wife! Wife standing near, soon comes a tear. Women, what are they good for? 2 C's: cooking and kitchen. The women need us as much as we need them. And why? We can get it to them. Her mother and she can not imagine a battery. As long as I do not pay for it, to me nothing is too good for my wife. Women have it like to be staring at her like a piece of beef. I HAVE to sleep after sex does not sleep ... I WILL! I long for the darkness. Ah! The home shopping channel! Man! That's a good idea for women. It was alway...

Short funny quotes for amusement and facebook status update, enjoy more on itshumour.blogspot.com Many accidents occur in the home in the kitchen; Unfortunately, most of them come down on the table. Character is only stubbornness, long live the gypsy. One should not praise the mustard in a tube. What is the gardener crocus, the plumber locus. Students go to the cafeteria so long, until it breaks. All that is fun is either immoral,prohibited by law or make you fat. The first thing you lose on a slimming diet is a good mood. The best thing about winter is that it is too cold to all to catch up the work, you are left in the summer because it was too hot. A man with a large bank account can not be ugly. Anyway, it's better to be a little square to be nothing than a round. "Life is a lot like a roll of toilet paper: the closer you get to the end, the quicker it goes." I was a beautiful baby, but then you have me mixed up in the hospital. If I had n...

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "IT'S A GUY THING" Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Means: "I have no idea how it works." "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra." "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD." Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "THAT...

Funny and real t shirt slogans, feel free to print these t shirt slogans on your t shirt and impress others ;) 1. "ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING." 2. "My Dog Can Lick Anyone." 3. "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" 4. "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?" 5. "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (for baby-size shirt) 6. "Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15." 7. "Rehab Is for Quitters." 8. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up" 9. "Procrastinate Now." 10. "Frankly Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam."

* Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2000 miles. * Motorcycles' curves never sag. * Motorcycles last longer. * Motorcycles don't get pregnant. * You can ride a Motorcycles any time of the month. * Motorcycles don't have parents. * Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong. * You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up. * You can share your Motorcycle with your friends. * If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler. * You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is really worn. * If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it. * Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden. * When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time. * Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have. * Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines. * New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if...

Funny quotes by popular persons around the world... "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.' " --Richard Jeni "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." --A. Whitney Brown "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" --Warren Hutcherson "I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her." --Ellen DeGeneres "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery "What do ...

"Britain is not an island ... yes, yes it is, but ..." - Unidentified MP, on BBC Radio 4 "The president continues to surprise people, so I'm not surprised surprised. " - U. S. Defense Secy Cheney censored ~ ~ "President Bush is due to address nation at about 20 minute. " - Peter Jennings, ABC News "Mobile launchers are more difficult to detect because they move round, unlike fixed launchers. " - Katie Coucik, NBC News - From Lowell McCulley (Nashua, NH, USA) "Continuous coverage of the war in the Persian Gulf will be resumed in a moment. " - Tom Brokaw, NBC News - From Jeff E. Nelson (Nashua, NH, USA) "We have a good reason to believe he was stabbed. There was a sharp object sticking out his chest. " - Lt R. Travis, Newburgh, NY, Police Department, cited in National Lampoon Calendar - From Jim Reisert (Hudson, MA, USA) "The City of Rochester (Michigan) is considering a ban on smoking in the park because people leave t...

Here are some of the hilarious rejected hallmark cards quotes which were not printed on hallmark cards . 1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life, I've changed my mind. 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you. 3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me. 4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again. 5. Someday I hope to marry someone other than you. 6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age; almost lifelike! 7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise. 8. We've been friends for a very long time. Why don't you say we stop? 9. I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here. 10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. D...

These employee evaluation quotes about life were taken from actual performance evaluations. 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 3. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be." 4. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." 5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." 6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there." 7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." 8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." 9. "This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better." These quotes are actual lines from military performance appraisals. 1. Got into the gene pool when the...

Here are top 10 hilarious quotes .. Do let me know your thoughts by posting your valuable comments: 1- Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. 2- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 3- There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side. 4- An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing. 5- Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference. 6- When you are right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets. 7- Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. [Hilarious Quotes] from my small nephew.. 8- If you can not see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. 9 - A recent police study found that you are much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. 10 - Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. Some more funny quotes and funny sayings is li...