Monday, May 31, 2010

World's easiest quiz

(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)




1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?


2) Which country makes Panama hats ?


3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?


4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?


5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?


6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?


7) What was King George VI's first name ?


8) What color is a purple finch ?


9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?


10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?






Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.



Check your answers below.








ANSWERS




1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ?
116 years




2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
Ecuador




3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?
Sheep and Horses




4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
November




5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
Squirrel fur




6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?
Dogs




7) What was King George VI's first name ?
Albert




8) What color is a purple finch ?
Crimson




9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?
New Zealand




10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
Orange (of course!)




What do you mean, you failed?!!




Me, too...!!!

(And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

Friday, May 28, 2010

Strong Spirit- Weight Loss Proof

She is a woman from Russia and have strong will power/strong spirit to lose weight, after eighteen months she lost nearly 155 lbs. You are surely interested to know how did she made this amazing change(weight loss) you should see her diet:

Breakfast: 2 eggs, or a piece of cheese, or porridge, a piece of black chocolate or a spoon of honey, coffee without sugar.
Second breakfast: half of a pomegranate, green tea.
Lunch: boiled lean meat, fish or a chicken breast, fresh vegetable salad with vegetable oil, green tea.

Snack
: a handful of shelled seeds, green apple, grapefruit or pomegranate. Dinner: green tea. Below are some pictures of her weight loss before and after...









Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The news - Mike is dead

One says “Did your hear the news – Mike is dead!”

“Wooo, what the hell happened to him?”

“Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn’t brake properly and boom – He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof – Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window.”

“What a horrible way to die!”

“No no, he survived that, that didn’t kill him at all. So, he’s landed in my upstairs bedroom and he’s all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He’s just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones.”

“What a way to go, that’s terrible!”

“No no, that didn’t kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him.”

“Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!”"No no, that didn’t kill him, he even survived that. So he’s on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him.”

“Man, what a way to go!”

“No no, he survived that, he survived that ! He’s lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn’t mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him.”

“Now that is one awful way to go!”

“No no, he survived that, he …”

“Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?”

“I shot him!”

“You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?”

“He was wrecking my f**king house.”

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Filipino at Wal-Mart

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answers would determine who among them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest that thing you know?" Steve, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT. It comes without any warning; It just pops into your head. A thought is the fastest thing that I know.." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer.



"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian. "Hmm.... let me see.

A blink! It comes and goes without you knowing that it ever happens. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know." "Excellent!" said the interviewer.

"The blink of an eye, that's a very

popular cliché for speed."



He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, the light in the barn comes on way out across the pasture. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.



Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 preybyus ansers sir, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thing is Diarrhea." "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats..."Oh, I can expleyn sir,"

said Eleuterio. "You see, sir, da ader day my istumach was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the bathroom, but bepore I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, sir, I had alreydi shet in my pants!"



Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Job at the FBI

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews
And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;
Two men and a woman.


For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
The men to a large metal door and handed
Him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your
Instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting

In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could

Never shoot my wife.'

The agent
said, 'Then you're not the right man

For this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room.. All was

Quiet for a bout 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,
But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't

Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the
Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the
Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one
After another. They heard screaming, crashing,
Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was
Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the

Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to

Beat him to death with the chair!'



MORAL:

Women are crazy. Don't mess with them

Thursday, May 13, 2010

How Apple sells their products The Steve Jobs way

This is how Apple is successful in making billions of dollars in profit due to one specfic persons strategy(Steve Jobs CEO of Apple). This is how Apple sells their products The Steve Jobs way

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Motorcycles are better than women

* Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2000 miles.

* Motorcycles' curves never sag.

* Motorcycles last longer.

* Motorcycles don't get pregnant.

* You can ride a Motorcycles any time of the month.

* Motorcycles don't have parents.

* Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.

* You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.

* You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.

* If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.

* You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is really worn.

* If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.

* Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.

* When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.

* Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have.

* Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.

* New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them.

* If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.

* If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.

* If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.

* If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.

* You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle.

* You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.

* You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.

* You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that Motorcycles are equals.

* If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again.

* You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.

* Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.

* Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.

* Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.

* Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.

* Motorcycles don't care if you are late.

* You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.

* It's always ok to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.

* If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

* You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't know very well.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Blind Man's Menu

A blind man walks into a little restaurant and sits down. The owner, walks up to him and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah,yes, that's what I'll have--meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen and tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened. The blind man eats and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll get you a fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife Gladys that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Gladys, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Gladys complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I have your fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, sniffs, and says, "Hey, I didn't know Gladys worked here!"

Blonde Ambition: Police Department

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:

Officer: What's 2 + 2?

Blonde: Ummm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

Friday, May 7, 2010

Airport Security

Here is a possible solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports.

Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.

It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this stuff about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift.



Case Closed!

This is so simple that it is brilliant.

I can see it now: you are in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion.

Shortly thereafter, an announcement comes over the PA system, "Attention standby passengers we now have a seat available on flight number..."

Monday, May 3, 2010

Top 7 amazing home remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. remember to use a timer .

4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. if it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.