Saturday, August 28, 2010

why do sharks circle you before they attack ?

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken
ship.

"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam
to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.

"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat
them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shiit inside!"

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Darwin Awards for Stupidity

The Darwin awards are awarded annually for the most extreme act of (occasionally terminal) stupidity - they are now in for 2004.

RUNNER-UP The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

RUNNER-UP A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space for her car. Understandably, he shot her.

RUNNER-UP After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

RUNNER-UP An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

RUNNER-UP A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which he clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)

RUNNER-UP The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

DARWIN WINNER, 2003. When his 38-caliber Revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber William Mcford did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

How fast are you ?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

$500 Porsche New

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It loudly announced, '$500 Porsche! New!' The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke.........
but he said to himself, 'it's worth a shot.' So he went to the lady's house who was selling the Porsche and she led him into the garage.

Sure enough, there was an almost brand new Porsche. 'Wow!' the man said, 'Can I take it for a test drive?' 'Sure,' answered the lady.

Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly.

When he got back to the lady's house, he asked her, 'Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?'

Then the lady replied....with a laugh
My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me, 'You can have the house and the furniture, just sell my Porsche
and send me the money.''

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Why the english language is hard to learn...

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Gender Issues

gender issues