Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Whats is marketing? What is spam?
Perhaps the following analogies will help clear it up:
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." -- That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." -- That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." -- That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." -- That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." -- That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. -- That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. -- That's Tech Support.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" -- That's spam..
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Santa lives at the North Pole ...
JESUS is everywhere.
Santa rides in a sleigh ...
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes but once a year ...
JESUS is an ever present help.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies ...
JESUS supplies all your needs.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited ...
JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when
You have to wait in line to see Santa ...
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap ...
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or
what's your name?" ...
JESUS knew our name before we did.
Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows
history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly ... JESUS has a heart full
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO ...
JESUS offers health, help and hope.
Santa says "You better not cry" ...
JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you."
Santa's little helpers make toys ...
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and
Santa may make you chuckle but ...
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.
While Santa puts gifts under your tree ...
JESUS became our gift and died on a tree.
Yes, Jesus is better, he is even better than Santa Claus
Monday, December 20, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared
for the answer!
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney
called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big
shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know
him." The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me,
I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
While working with Mr.Simon, I have always found him working studiously and sincerely at his table without gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things.
Given a job, he always finishes the given assignment in time. He is always
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be found chitchatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be classed as outstanding, and should on no account be dispensed with.
I strongly feel that Mr.Simon should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to management be sent away as soon as possible.
A second note following the report:
Mr.Simon was present when I was writing the report mailed to you
today. Kindly read only the alternate lines 1, 3, 5, 7, 9,.......
for my true assessment of him.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Youths before and today...
Game play before and today...
Makeup style before and today...
Logo designs before and today...
Letters before and today...
Kamikaze before and today...
Jeans style before and today...
Hot-dogs before and today...
Hand techniques before and today...
Eggs before and today...
Dog walking styles before and today...
Dog houses before and today...
Comedians before and today...
Chess game before and today...
Cell phone games before and today...
Chernobyl before and today...
Breakfast before and today...
Body builders before and today...
Autograph signing before and today...
Sunday, December 5, 2010
The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies".
Toward the end of the service, He asked his congregation, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. This time about 80 percent held up their hands.
He then repeated his question again. All responded, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs.Jones?" inquired the preacher, "are you not willing to forgive your enemies?
"I don't have any," she replied smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, That is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three." she replied.
"Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are. Would you please come down in front of this congregation and tell us all how a person can live ninety-three years and not have an enemy in the world?"
Mrs. Jones tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the b*tches!"
High Tech Man
A man walks into a bar and sits down right across from the bartender. The bartender sees the man poking at his hand and putting it next to his ear, and asks him, "What are you doing? The man replies, "Oh, it's the newest technology -- I have a phone built right into my hand." The man puts his hand next to the bartender's ear and, sure enough, the bartender hears a dial tone.
After a few drinks, the man goes into the bathroom. The bartender notices that he has been gone for almost a half-hour. Concerned, he goes into the bathroom to check it out. When he walks in, he sees the man with his hands on the wall standing with his legs apart and pants down. He has the end of a roll of paper towels shoved up his butt. Shocked, the bartender yells, "What are you doing?!"
The man groans and replies, "I'm waiting for a fax."
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A middle-aged man returns home from a business trip a day early, concerned that his wife may be having an affair. He’s riding in a taxi at about 2:00 in the morning back towards his house.
While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.He explains to the cabbie that he suspects his wife is sleeping around on him, and offers the him $50 if he would be a witness to the affair, if he could catch her in bed with him. By the time they reach his house, the cabbie agrees.
They park a few doors down and, quietly, sneak into the front door and up the stairs. Then, with a burst of speed, the husband flicks on the bedroom lights and rips the blanket off the bed - and there his wife lays in bed with another man!
Out of his coat pocket, the visibly distraught husband pulls out a gun and puts it to the naked man’s head.
Just then, his wife yells “Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money!…”
HE paid for the Mercedes I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin in the mountains.
HE paid for your Atlanta Braves season tickets.
HE paid for our our lake house and boat.
HE paid for your country club membership, and and HE even pays the monthly dues!’
Shaking his head, unsure of whether to pull the trigger, he looks over at the taxi driver and asks “What should I do?”
The taxi driver replies, "I’d cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold."
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver’s license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “I will have to go home and come back later.” The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.” So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me” and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.”