Sunday, February 27, 2011

Believe it or not

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;



Ever notice how all of Women's problems start with MEN?




MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps


MENtal breakdown




MENopause




GUYnecology




AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy


and when a woman can't take it any longer,

she gets a nervous breakdown,

and will get



HISterical

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

how to win the lottery

how to win the lottery when ....

how to win the lottery

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The piratebay email threat response

Email to the piratebay

> Re: Unauthorized Use of DreamWorks SKG Properties
> http://www.thepiratebay.org
>
> To Whom It May Concern:
>
> This letter is being written to you on behalf of our
> client, DreamWorks SKG (hereinafter ^ÓDreamWorks^Ô).
> DreamWorks is the exclusive owner of all copyright,
> trademark and other intellectual property rights in
> and to the ^ÓShrek 2^Ô motion picture. No one is
> authorized to copy, reproduce, distribute, or
> otherwise use the ^ÓShrek 2^Ô motion picture without
> the express written permission of DreamWorks.
[...]
> As you may be aware, Internet Service Providers can
> be held liable if they do not respond to claims of
> infringement pursuant to the requirements of the
> Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA). In
> accordance with the DMCA, we request your assistance
> in the removal of infringements of the ^ÓShrek 2^Ô
> motion picture from this web site and any other sites
> for which you act as an Internet Service Provider.
> We further declare under penalty of perjury that we
> are authorized to act on behalf of DreamWorks and
> that the information in this letter is accurate.
> Please contact me immediately to discuss this matter
> further.


Response from the piratebay

As you may or may not be aware, Sweden is not a state in the United States
of America. Sweden is a country in northern Europe.
Unless you figured it out by now, US law does not apply here.
For your information, no Swedish law is being violated.

Please be assured that any further contact with us, regardless of medium,
will result in
a) a suit being filed for harassment
b) a formal complaint lodged with the bar of your legal counsel, for
sending frivolous legal threats.

It is the opinion of us and our lawyers that you are ....... morons, and
that you should please go sodomize yourself with retractable batons.

Please also note that your e-mail and letter will be published in full on
http://www.thepiratebay.org.

Go F yourself.

Polite as usual,
anakata

Friday, February 11, 2011

Check for Alzheimer's

Check for Alzheimer's - Pretty Amazing!

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University



Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.



The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

4. This is to cat.

5. This is keep cat.

6. This is an cat.

7. This is old cat.

8. This is fart cat.

9. This is busy cat.

10. This is for cat.

11. This is forty cat.

12. This is seconds cat.



Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down



I passed the test and felt pretty good about myself. Then I followed the instructions :)

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Children writing about the ocean

Children writing about the ocean

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly,age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an ~censored~ on the top of its head.. (Billy,age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots
and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to
make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating
beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I
like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?
Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always
crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got
pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give
you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they
have to plug themselves in to chargers.(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my
willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go
down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going
very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her
big fat ass.. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I
don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean He knows all about the ocean.
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

worst spam email ever

COMPLIMENT OF THE SEASON

I am Mrs Eleebana Michael and i have been suffering from ovarian cancer disease and the doctor says that i have just two days to leave.I am from Australia (Perth) but based in Africa Burkina Faso since eight years ago as a business woman dealing with gold exportation.Now that i am about to end the race like this,with out any family members and no child.I have $3 Million US DOLLARS in Coris bank Burkina Faso which i instructed the bank to give St Andrews Missionary Home in Burkina Faso.But my mind is not at rest because i am writing this letter now through the help of my computer beside my sick bed.

I also have $4.5Million US Dollars in Ecobank here in Burkina Faso and i instructed the bank to transfer the money to the first foreigner that will apply to the bank after i have gone that they should release the fund to him/her,but you will assure me that you will take 50% of the money and give 50% to the orphanages home in your country for my heart to rest.You are to contact the bank through this email address
Yours fairly friend,
Madam Eleebana Michael.