Thursday, June 30, 2011

Complexities of women

Complexities of women are so complex that we can assume Girls are complex creatures on planet earth..


If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard towait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man! , you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural,we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street,you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk 

Monday, June 27, 2011

Steal a Hacker's Computer think twice

It goes without saying that you should never mess with a hacker.
Stealing a computer hacker's computer would be like stealing her children.
Want to know what happens when a hacker gets his computer stolen?
Watch this entertaining story, which was transmitted at the DEF CON.
Go directly to 3:15, and the video jump to the beginning of the story.


Sunday, June 26, 2011

The Five Surgeons

Five surgeons from major cities discuss, who makes the best patients to operate.
The first surgeon, from Manchester, said: "I ​​like to see accountants on my operating table,
because when you open them, everything inside is numbered "

 
The second surgeon, from Birmingham, said, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!
Everything inside them is color coded. "

 
The third surgeon, from Edinburgh, said: "No, I really think librarians are the best,
everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

 
The fourth surgeon, from Belfast, chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers ...
those guys always understand when you have a few extra parts. "

 
But the fifth surgeon, from London, close all when he observed:
"You are all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate.
No guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine and head and a s s are interchangeable. "...

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Things a dad would not say to a son

1. Well, how 'bout that?...I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

2. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

3. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car-GO CRAZY.

4. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your mother and I are going away for the weekend...you might want to consider throwing a party.

6. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies-you know-that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

7. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

 8. What ya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

9. Father's Day? Aaahh-don't worry about that-it's no big deal.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Meaning of WC in Switzerland

An English lady visited Switzerland and had difficulty finding a room, so I asked the local teacher to help her. After a quarter had been found satisfactory, she returned home and some packing.

 Suddenly, it occurred to him that he had not noticed a WC (in England, the bathroom is called Water Closet), so the teacher wrote on the toilet

The teacher, without knowing the meaning, asked the parish priest and together they decided it must mean "Wayside Chapel". He wrote the following letter:


Dear Madam,

 It is a pleasure to inform you that there is a WC just 9 miles from his home in the middle of a pine forest. It can accommodate 220 people and is open on Thursdays and Sundays. This is an unfortunate situation if you are in the habit of going regularly. You will undoubtedly be glad to know that some people bring their lunch and make a day of it.

I recommend especially on Thursdays, because then there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics of W.C. are excellent, even the most delicate sounds can be heard.

My son married in W.C. and there was such a rush for seats that 10 people had to sit in the seat. The look on their faces were very interesting.

My wife is sick, but dedicated. She does not go regularly, and that has not gone nearly a year.

 I will be happy to reserve a seat on the W.C. so, in what will be seen and heard by all.

Hope that I have been of some help.

Sincerely,
The teacher

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Senior citizens at play

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a most deserted beach at Boca Raton Florida
She look up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.

"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely, she countered. "Do you live around here?" She asked.

"Yes, I live over in Cape Coral ," he answered , and again he resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted," Do you like pussy cats?"

With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.

When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Karz?"

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Epic Ninja Defuses

Ninja Defuse on Derail


Ninja Defuse on Estate


Ninja Defuse on Sub Base





Go and try and get one of these for each map and make a montage

Monday, June 13, 2011

Meaning of Sharing in Marriage

Meaning of sharing in marriage...

The old man placed an order for one plain hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything in their marriage.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything in our marriage.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered

(Continue below - This is great)






'THE TEETH'

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Pictures of Super Stupidity

Pictures of Super Stupidity are quite funny and looks really stupid those who performed these acts...

Add caption








Sunday, June 5, 2011

Government job interview


A guy goes for a Government job interview. The interviewer asks him,
"Are you a veteran?" The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two years
in Vietnam."

"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any
service-related disabilities?" The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled.
During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared
me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."

"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can
hire you right now ! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10,
and we'll get you started."

The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to
come at 10?"

"Well, here at the government job, we don't do anything but sit around and
scratch our ba l l s for the first two hours. No point of your coming in for
that !"

Friday, June 3, 2011

Difference Between Virgins and Non-virgins


 Two guys are stuck in ocean, and the one(Virgin guy) looks around and sees two islands, the closer island, is inhabited by fat women, but have plenty of food and water, the second island, about 20 times the distance of the first, is full of beautiful virgin women, all of whom have never seen a man, surrounding the second island, are great white sharks, who are waiting for something to eat.

A virgin guy says, the hell with it, i am going to the beautiful women island, and I'm gonna live happily every after...sadly, he is consumed by the sharks.

A non-virgin guy goes to the fat women island, uses the fat women as rafts, and arrives safely to the island full of beautiful women, and fornicates like its goin out of style......

This is a major difference between virgins and non virgins...

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Top Ten Reasons We Love Children


1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
 'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
 'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
 'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'


 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
 Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
 'What?'
 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
 'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
 Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
 'WHAT?'
 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
 ' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
 Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad......'
 'WHAT!'
 'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'



 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
 finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'

 The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and
 out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake,
 Dylan, come in or stay out!''


 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
 her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'

 The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. I can't dear,' she said.
 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
 A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
 'The big sissy.'


 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon.
 All the children were invited to come forward.. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress.
Is it your Easter Dress?'

 The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on microphone,
 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'


 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
 came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
 She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'

 I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.'
 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'



 7. A little boy was doing his math homework.
 He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
 Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine.....'
 His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'
 The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'
 'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked
 'Yes,' he answered.

 Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?'
 The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
 The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'
 After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was,
 two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'



 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '... and so Chicken Little went up to the
 farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'

 The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?'
 One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:
 'Holy shit! A talking chicken!''
 The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.


 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Brown's daughter.'
 Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane brown.'
 The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Brown's daughter?'
 She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'


 10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?'
 Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'
 The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
 If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'

I guess these top 10 reasons are quite justified ;)  we love children