Sunday, May 27, 2012

Yoga Positions Vs Liquor Positions

As per an unconfirmed research it is known that drinking liquor gives you the same benefits which doing Yoga does, enjoy the yoga positions vs liquor positions (drunk positions)

Marjayasana Yoga Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column.

Dolphin Yoga Position for shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms

Halasana Yoga Position for back pain and insomnia.

Malasana Yoga Position for ankles and back muscles.

Salambhasana Yoga Position stimulates the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Savasana Yoga Position for total relaxation.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana Yoga Position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Balasana Yoga Position brings sensation of peace and calm. 

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Random Funny Jokes

After Accident

A hunter was out enjoying a nice morning in the woods when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged ... shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor, who said, "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the Chicago Symphony. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eyes!"

Google Translate Beat Box

Go to Google Translate http://translate.google.com ; Copy this text:

pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk bschk pv bschk bschk pv kkkkkkkkkk bschk bschk bschk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk bschk pv bschk bschk pv kkkkkkkkkk bschk bschk bschk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk bschk pv bschk bschk pv kkkkkkkkkk bschk bschk bschk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk bschk pv bschk bschk pv kkkkkkkkkk bschk bschk bschk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk bschk pv bschk bschk pv kkkkkkkkkk bschk bschk bschk

Pick German as the 'from" language; Press the "Listen"-button

Sweet

A school teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first
year schoolchildren, using a bowl of fruit Polo's.
He gave all the children the same kind of Polo, one at a time, and
asked them to identify them by colour and flavour.
The children began to say:
"Red............cherry,"
"Yellow.........lemon,"
"Green..........lime,"
" Orange ........orange."
Finally he gave them all honey Polos. After eating them
for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.
"Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother
may sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled:
"Oh My God!!!! They're a??e-holes!!"

Friday, May 11, 2012

Madonna Age Issues


Madonna has slammed journalists who mention her age in articles, alleging that this practice makes her appear "not that relevant".

According to a Hollywood fashion magazine the 53-year-old singer says that she has always noticed her age mentioned whenever something is written about her.

 "Whenever someone writes anything about me, my age is right after name," an entertainment tabloid quoted Madonna as saying.

"It is almost like they are saying, "Here Madonna is, but remember, She is this age, so she is not that relevant anymore," Madonna added.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

How Do Girls Download Video Clips From Internet ?

Ever wonder, How Do Girls Download Video Clips From Internet ? If you have not, better know it by looking at the photo below ..
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video clip download
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Tuesday, May 8, 2012

How I got Slapped

big butt slap
Yesterday afternoon I was walking and holding hands with my girlfriend. I let go of her hand to get my IPhone and take this picture. She immediately slapped me in the face and wouldn't talk to me the rest of the day. But let's be honest.... Its not everyday you see a dog driving a car down the street !!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Very Short Funny Jokes

Chill and enjoy the very short funny jokes on itshumour.blogspot.com
Mafia Boss and his deaf book keeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back , "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"
The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Lawyers...You gotta love 'em.

Naughty Answers

A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"
Santa wrote back,

" SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
****************************************

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
***********************************

Husband asks:
"Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:
W ithout
I nformation
F ighting
E very-time

Wife replies:
" No,......
It means:
W ith
I diot
F or
E ver !!!"
*****************************************

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.
****************************************

Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack
& our driver ran away
*********************************************************

A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my
son, THAT is confidential.

Deer and a boy
A boy kills DEER & cooks it &
doesn't tell friends what it is.
He gives a clue
"Its what my girlfriend calls Me!..

A Friend screamed:
"Nobody eat it, its dog meat  !!!! " :D
Got some more funny jokes on http://itshumour.blogspot.com/2011/07/funny-marriage-jokes.html