Its All Humor

I would like to wish my blog readers a very Happy New Year 2011 , may the new year bring you prosperity and wealth. Happy New Year 2011... I hope your start of the New Year is going on good unlike the kid in the picture below who had bad start of the New Year with blood on face...

Whats is marketing? What is spam? Perhaps the following analogies will help clear it up: You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." -- That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." -- That's Advertising. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." -- That's Telemarketing. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." -- That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and...

Santa lives at the North Pole ... JESUS is everywhere. Santa rides in a sleigh ... JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water. Santa comes but once a year ... JESUS is an ever present help. Santa fills your stockings with goodies ... JESUS supplies all your needs. Santa comes down your chimney uninvited ... JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited. You have to wait in line to see Santa ... JESUS is as close as the mention of His name. Santa lets you sit on his lap ... JESUS lets you rest in His arms. Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, what's your name?" ... JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly ... JESUS has a heart full of love. All Santa can offer is HO HO HO ... JESUS offers hea...

The real life sniper....

Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer! In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking...

While working with Mr.Simon, I have always found him working studiously and sincerely at his table without gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always finishes the given assignment in time. He is always deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be found chitchatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be classed as outstanding, and should on no account be dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr.Simon should be pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to management be sent away as soon as possible. Branch Manager A second note following the report: Mr.Simon was present when I was writing the report mailed to you today. Kindly read only the alternate lines 1, 3, 5, 7, 9,....... for my true assessment of him. Regards, Branch Manager

Youths before and today... Game play before and today... Makeup style before and today... Logo designs before and today... Letters before and today... Kamikaze before and today... Jeans style before and today... Hot-dogs before and today... Hand techniques before and today... Eggs before and today... Dog walking styles before and today... Dog houses before and today... Comedians before and today... Chess game before and today... Cell phone games before and today... Chernobyl before and today... Breakfast before and today... Body builders before and today... Autograph signing before and today...

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies". Toward the end of the service, He asked his congregation, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. This time about 80 percent held up their hands. He then repeated his question again. All responded, except one small elderly lady. "Mrs.Jones?" inquired the preacher, "are you not willing to forgive your enemies? "I don't have any," she replied smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Jones, That is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-three." she replied. "Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are. Would you please come down in front of this congregation and tell us all how a person can live ninety-three years and not have an enemy in the world?" Mrs. Jones tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the b*tches!" High Tech Man A man walks in...

A middle-aged man returns home from a business trip a day early, concerned that his wife may be having an affair. He’s riding in a taxi at about 2:00 in the morning back towards his house. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.He explains to the cabbie that he suspects his wife is sleeping around on him, and offers the him $50 if he would be a witness to the affair, if he could catch her in bed with him. By the time they reach his house, the cabbie agrees. They park a few doors down and, quietly, sneak into the front door and up the stairs. Then, with a burst of speed, the husband flicks on the bedroom lights and rips the blanket off the bed - and there his wife lays in bed with another man! Out of his coat pocket, the visibly distraught husband pulls out a gun and puts it to the naked man’s head. Just then, his wife yells “Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money!…” HE paid for the Mercedes I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin in the mou...