Its All Humor

 Here, i present you very best of Funny Statuses Quotes For Facebook which of course you can use as your Facebook status A good friend would bail you out of jail, but your best friend would be the one sitting next to you saying, "damn that was awesome". I feel sleepy 24x7!....what to do??? "Most people say U have changed but no 1 dares to look into you eyes and say u have compromised a lot" Accidentally wore a red shirt and khaki pants to target today, and long story short, i think i have been promoted to assistant manager. The internet is perfect because it satisfies my desire to be alone while still getting attention from people. Best error message of the century An error shown by a computer: "No keyboard found. ...Press any key to continue...." I drink once in a blue moon but the problem is why that blue moon comes so frequently.... lol In the good old days, girls used to cook like their mothers, NOW THEY DRINK LIKE THEIR FATHE...

True love is like a pillow You can hug when you are in trouble You can cry on when you are in pain & You can embrace when You are happy so when You need true love spend $20 -Buy a pillow Marriages are made in heaven then what are made in Hell? Ans : the days after marriage I wrote Your name on the sand ............ .... it got washed away, I wrote Your name in air......... ......... ......... it got blown away, So i wrote Your name in my heart....... ....... I got a HEART ATTACK Your smile can be compared to a flower Your voice can be compared to a cuckoo Your inocence to a child but in stupidity You have no comparison You are the best Dear Friend, when i ask You flower, You give me bouquet when i ask You a stone You give me a statue when i ask You a feather You give me peacock ARE You REALLY DEAF ? I had VODKA with WATER I felt DRUNK I had WHISKY with WATER I felt DRUNK I had RUM with WATER I felt DRUNK I SWEAR...

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim . It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent. Defense Attorney : “At the scene of the accident , did you tell the officer you had never felt better in your life?” Farmer : “That's right.” Defense Attorney : “Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?” Farmer: “When the officer arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to roller, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life.”

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. H. L. Mencken Run for office? No. I've slept with too many women, I've done too many drugs, and I've been to too many parties. George Clooney Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material. Dave Letterman Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living. P. J. ORourke Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary. Robert Louis Stevenson Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. Ronald Reagan

Dear Mommy & Daddy, Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Veron when it happened. Oh yes, please call Veron's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Veron in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Suyong got mad at Veron for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Veron said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Suyong...

The magical frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the magical frog , and the magical frog said, "Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The magical frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make Your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to. " The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, -she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The magical frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you....

The story is related to a wholesaler in New York who sent a letter to the postmaster Of a small Midwestern town. He asked for the name of honest lawyer who take Debt collection cases for a local debtor who had refused to pay for shipping of wholesaler's products. He sent the answer. "Dear Sir: "I am the postmaster of this village and acknowledged your letter. I am an honest lawyer, i Will be pleased to accept the lawsuit against the local debtor. In this case, I also happen to be the person you sold those lousy goods to.I received your demand to pay, refused to honor it. I am also the banker whom you send the plan to draw on  the merchant, and I sent it back with a note stating that merchant had refused to traders pay. And I, to replace our local church pastor for the time being, i Will say the only place where you can stick to your claim. " Yet another Lawyer joke for your amusement : A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and ...

This is what a guy wrote to  systems analyst ( Marriage Software Division ): Dear Systems Analyst , I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities. Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline. I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninst...