Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Appointment With Gynecologist

In Melbourne, one of the radio stations paid money for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This one netted the winner $3000.00.

She said:
I was due later that week for an appointment with my gynecologist when early one morning I received a phone call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 am. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 already. The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I'm sure, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my night gown, wet the wash cloth and gave myself a wash in "that area" in front of the sink, making sure I was presentable.

I threw the wash cloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when he called me in. Knowing the procedure as I'm sure you all do, I hopped up on the table, looked over to the other side of the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when he said "My we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't we?" , but I didn't respond. The appointment over, I breathed a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day went normal, did some shopping, cleaning, the evening meal, etc.

At 8:30PM that evening, my 14 year old daughter was fixing to go to a school dance, when she called down from the bathroom asking, "Mom -- where's my wash cloth?"

I called back for her to get another one from the cabinet.

She called back, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

Monday, September 20, 2010

Rich Arabs

Sheikh's Son (Nasser) goes to Germany to study. A month later, Nasser sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes , when all my Teachers travel by train.

Your Son, Nasser

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:
Loving son,

Please stop embarrassing us, Forty Million Dollars transferred to your account, go and get a train for yourself too.

Tons of love, Your Dad
;)

One minute egg

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in almost awake she turned and said softly, "You've
got to make love to me this very moment."

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going
to be my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment I
embraced her and then gave it my all right there
on the kitchen table.


After wards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still
around her neck. A little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Women are very mean.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Birth Control Pills to sleep well

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office.
When the doctor asked why she was there.
She replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Keith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."
Very Happy Very Happy :D

Friday, September 3, 2010

Phua Chu Kang sex explanation

Aloy: Why is making love so enjoyable?
PCK: Aiya, ah boy, enjoyable bcos, jus like when you dig your nose
with your finger ma!
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Aloy: Do you think women enjoy sex more than men?
PCK: Of course woman lah! When you dig your nose, your nose feel
better than your finger, right?
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Aloy: Why do women hate it when they get raped?
PCK: Aiya! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over
and dig your nose, you like or not? Eh? Don't pray pray ah?

Aloy: Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK: Oi!! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh? Siao ah? Use
your Blain, use your blain…
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Aloy: Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making
love?
PCK: Eh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove
on your finger or not? Not the same shiok feeling ma. Collect
or not?
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Aloy: Why is making love carried out in private?
PCK: Ah boy, use your blain, use your blain. You go and dig your
nose in flont of your whole class isit? Stupid lah!
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Aloy: Wah... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good?
PCK: Aiya... best in Singapore and JB, and some say Batam also!