Thursday, March 31, 2011

Paddy drinking again

Paddy staggered home very late after another night of drinking with friends, Murphy. He took off the shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could on the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body turned and he landed hard on his butt. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket and broke the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Paddy out, pulled down his pants and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He manages to find a full box of Band-Aids and began quietly putting Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning I woke up with searing pain in her head and Paddy and Kathleen butt staring at him from across the room.

She said: "You were drunk again last night are not you?"

Paddy said: "Why say such a thing mean?"

"Well," Kathleen said, "it could open the door, it could be broken glass under the stairs, it could be drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but ..... almost all of the Band-Aids stuck on the glass hall.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Fondling in Bed

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening. When the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down pas the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past that side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped rolled over and started to watch the tv.
As she had become quuite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "That was wonderful. Whey did you stop ? "

He said, "I found the remote".

Technorati claim 9DXDWAJU8K6M

April Fools Prank for Office workers

April Fools Prank

April Fools Prank has always been a way to celebrate April Fools Day, hope you will play well at your office workers ;)

Friday, March 18, 2011

Difference of Version 4 and 3Gs

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 3GS to Wife 4.0

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes
that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 4.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies
7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever
selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 4.0 in the background while attempting
to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 3GS , but the 'uninstall'
doesn't work on Wife 4.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"

REPLY

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 3GS to Wife 4.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 4.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run
EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 4.0 and to return to Girlfriend
3GS.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the
system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 3GS because Wife 4.0 is designed not
to allow this. (Look in your Wife 4.0 Manual under
Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) ..

I recommend that you keep Wife 4.0 and work on improving the
environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate
software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 4.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep
3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use
these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the
performance of Wife 4.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install
SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 4.0 and
will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support ...

Friday, March 11, 2011

Hilarious remakes movie posters










Hilarious remakes of movie posters, i bet they are pretty good ;)

Monday, March 7, 2011

Currency Exchange

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.

Short line...just one person in front of me, an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated.

He asked the teller, "Why it change? ... yesterday I get two hunat dolla fo yen - today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller says, "Fluctuations."

The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white guys too!"