Sunday, September 9, 2012

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Funny and hilarious insults


Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - your face.

You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

Well, they do say opposites attract...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'.

Lights on, door open, nobody at home.

As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

He's as happy as a Pig in $hit.

About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box.

About as subtle as a flying brick.

She's got more wrinkles than an Elephant's scrotum.

She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs.

As tight as a Camel's arse in a Sand-storm.

She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.

About as interesting as watching paint dry.

I've seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard.

I've seen better hands on a clock.

As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market.

He's as baffled as Adam on Mother's Day.

She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits.

As nervous as a turkey at Christmas.

She's seen more ceilings than Michaelangelo.

She ran off quicker than sh*t off a shovel.

She's as fit as a butcher's dog.

She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag.

As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse.

His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender.

Uglier than a hat full of assholes.

As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks.

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

This guy is all foam, no beer.

As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

About as useless as a jam sandwich to a drowning rabbit.

A legend in his own mind...

He's an expert on padded cells.

He couldn't engineer his way outta paper bag!

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