Wednesday, June 30, 2010

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Twenty hilarious funny quotes

1. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. (My personal favorite funny quotes)

2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

5. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

6. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

7. You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

8. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

9. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

10. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway.

11. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

12. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

13. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

14. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

15. You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

17. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

18. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

19. There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

20. It is no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or


21. Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. —John Wilmot

22. What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. —Oscar Levant

23. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. —Oscar Wilde

24. I’ve gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her. —New York City detective

25. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty. —Norm Crosby

26. Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. —Kurt Vonnegut

27. Just the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. —Carl Sagan

28. My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists. —Jean Rostand

29. Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. —Lily Tomlin

30. I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. —Richard Lewis

31. We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true. —Robert Wilensky

32. If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? —Scott Adams

33. If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us. —Anon

34. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it. —Clarence Darrow

35. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.
—Cullen Hightower

36. There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. —Cyril Connolly

37. There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? — Cavett

38. All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
—H. L. Mencken

39. I don’t mind what Congress does, as long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
—Victor Hugo

40. I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
—Woody Allen
hilarious funny quotes

hilarious funny quotes sayings

cool funny quotes

If these twenty hilarious funny quotes are less, here is the link for more funny quotes 

The twenty hilarious funny quotes post is so popular with my readers that i came up with more funny quotes and funny sayings as bonus for you ..

# Asking a bookworm to name their favorite book is like asking a mother to pick a favorite child...

# Your Ex asking to be friends after breaking up is like Kidnappers asking to "keep in touch" after letting you go.

# I love you more today than yesterday. Yesterday you really pissed me off.

# Smile, it scares people ..

# A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world...Ohh sorry that's wine.... wine does that ..

# I never make stupid mistakes, only very very clever ones...

# Get a tattoo. Don’t worry about regret.

# "HAVE PATIENCE" is the favourite word of LAZY PEOPLE

# 3 people = Threesome, 2 people = Twosome and 1 person = ???? Guess ..!!!! one-some..!! No its hand-some

# Going into the unknown is how you expand what is known.

# "No price is too high to pay for a good laugh." - Fatty Arbuckle


Anonymous said...


Jennifer and Stefanie said...

A nice collection of funny quotes.. I needed a laugh this morning too! Thanks:)

Sylvia said...

Awesome Hilarious moments between hectic work... ;)

nauman said...

Good One though most of them are old one :)

sabdy said...

very nice quotes.funny though :-)

Kutti said...

...Hey each and every lines of the quotes are fantastic , superb and comic then i really like these quotes and enjoyed also by reading this things its really superb...,..

irfan said...

Its very interesting n wonderful to make someone laugh even smile now a days.Seems to be a serious effort to bring something hilarious. Spread the same in direction to make people overcome stress n tensions.

shingie said...

Very funny. Lol

priyanka thakur said...

nice one....

vandy said...

#19 is not funny,Ask a mother:-)
Nice ones.

Jonathon said...

some are amusing, but most of them are just stupid, especially the ones where they say women are better then men. I mean seriously? girls still go on about who is the better gender? seriously? how un-matured are most women today, no gender is better then the other sex. who ever wrote this needs to grow the fuck up, i bet she is still in the 2nd grade.

Beeky said...

Its just a page with funny quotes, regardless of the women ones, if you don't like it don't read it....can tell your Cheerios must have been peed in.

Anonymous said...

hey thanks for sharing
jokes they are really hilarious and made my day tooo.....thanks

Nigel Yostin Mianscum said...

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

My favorites LOL

sangdup said...

Ladies first, pretty ladies soOner.. AwesOme that is hilarious.. Hahaha20. GoOd jOb!!*****

Unknown said...

Good job rofl

Obstacol said...

Awesome Funny Quotes man Thanks for sharing :)

Funny Rajj said...

Glad you guys liked the funny quotes here... Proud to put smile on you via my blog ;)

Unknown said...

Awesome....i really enjoyed on each.

youneek said...

its hard to live without a woman,liiving with a woman is even harder :)

Unknown said...


Unknown said...

Slow and steady wins the race; but not in every case.

daNIAL said...

Twenty Hilarious Funny Quotes. 1. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

Funny Rajj said...

Thx Daniel for the comment. Yes this one "Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving " is also my favorite funny quote ...