Sunday, March 31, 2013

Tips on making man and woman happy

Well on the eve of Easter and April Fools day, you want to make your man or woman happy right ? Following are the tips on making it happen.
Happy Easter and April Fools Day from http://itshumour.blogspot.com

tips on making man and woman happy


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Feed him
2. Sleep with him
3. Leave him with peace
4. Don't check his phone (sms messages)
5. Don't bother him with his movements

So whats so hard about that ?

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY

It's really not too difficult but.... To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a plumber
10. a mechanic
11. a carpenter
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly
45. Go shopping with her
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. give her lots of attention
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes.

BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT

53. never forget
*birthdays
*anniversaries
*valentines day

*arrangements she makes.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Womens logic are funny

Women's logic are sometimes funny for men and others.. ;)

womens logic are funny

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Ebay secret language


Untested - defect

No idea if it works - The part is total scrap

Only worn once seemed hard to believe - I can not really see the part

Is too big for me - Had to finally sort out grandmas old things

Is too small for me - Over the years, one grows out of everything
Rar - Is not it in the mom-and-pop store

Collectible - Messie I collect everything

See Figure (1) Either you see the same flaws or you've just been unlucky - (2) Today I my lazy day, but has nevertheless times
Floor Fund - (1) taken for little money at the last garage sale - (2) Does not by me, the thing that I'm clean

I know it is not - know me too well so from

Used - Can you offer just barely

Ebay charges I assume - but is purely calculated in the cost of packaging

Buyer pays postage - at least!

Retail price was 100 euros - Got it for 50 but by Grabbeltisch

If I fell down during packing - Went off to me but cheap

I've Packed it two weeks ago - Should it go gradually but once the post office

Cleaned after Ebay rule - was badly needed

Here from 1 euro - My buddy's will push already high

Only 3 days - Let's see how fit the ebay control weekend

Fixed price - Every day is a Dummer

Collectible - I can not believe what you so you get into the house of promotional gifts

Only serious bids - I know that is the shit. But let but the newbies a chance to learn what

Happy bidding! - But zag zag, if you please

Brand new and boxed - Fallen from the vice

Guaranteed original - People in Hong Kong are more adept

Not available in stores - in the Bavarian Forest, the Ore Mountains and the Mecklenburg Lake District

Adult Rated 16 - 0190 TV commercial would be sharper

Fun bidder pointless - Work with Russian collection together

Delivery time: 14 days - then I hope I'm on time with ALDI in line before the store opens

Hardware box for hobbyists - Why pay those high fees at recycling yard ...?

Super Crate Mobile Accessories, NEW!, Lots, at least 25 pieces! - 2 dozen mobile phone cases from 1993

1 x worn - was my favorite part, it has not got the body, until it had to be washed but finally

Was always very happy with that part, I have always served well - until it broke

The game is really great! - If you are just switched from C64

The digicam was in all tests performed very well - was as 1 megapixel still top class

Experts know what this device can - Did not stand to look for the technical data

Information to the best knowledge and belief - I know how irresponsible I am

Suitable for decorative purposes - to the thing does nothing, but can stand it's still

Top floors Unique item - does not work, is scruffy, but there are people who are on the strangest things

Siemens S45 OVP - OVP a Siemens S45

Due to bad experiences with bidders fun ... - If one pushes here, then I am!

Was originally intended as a gift - but then I wanted to spoil the friendship

Nostalgic - Painfully look old

Restoration needy - replacing all parts necessary

Small defect - Ten experts have tried in vain to repair the part

1A - This was the primary school, in which I was enrolled

With serial number - man, did it take until I have found on the net

Very small spot goes to washing out safely - with hydrochloric

We love Top / sugary / romantic - If anybody can see pink floret on purple fabric, my little sister has a little something in child size 146, which goes through smoothly but as Standard

Top modern - Hopefully believes me something like a country bumpkin

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Elementary school students quotes


Confession of a elementary school teacher in Germany, some are really funny and hilarious ...

I am a teacher of elementary school ... sometimes it can be very hard. Here are some examples of student essays that I've collected over the last 2 years:

-The train stopped with a screech of brakes and the passengers evacuated on the platform.
- "Last week, we took a field trip to Castle Wolfenstein, the class teacher, Miss Mueller joined us at this old ruin we saw the old chipped front and rear walls ... the loopholes.."
By-state rooms, the Knights also had heated woman.
-Everyone listened, as Luther in 1642 his 95 prostheses knocked at the Castle Church in Wittenberg.
Caesar made ​​the stock fully and everyone stood at attention in his pile.
Graf Zeppelin was the first to set sail in different directions.
-The pasture is located high in the mountains. There is the shepherd, and the dairymaid. In the spring becomes distended, abortion in the fall.
-Our school used to be an orphanage. It above the entrance reminds one hewn woman front receives a boy and a girl behind.
-A Catholic sister can not escape because they have to live his life in the monastery.
-The power of water is so great that even the strongest man can not hold it.
-We went to the zoo. It was a big monkey in the cage. My uncle was also there.
-With a strong, wide beam give the firefighters from their water.
-The Minister of Agriculture gathered together the farmers, as the pigs were eating too much.
-The Red Cross is dedicated to the men and women love. Some do it for free, others get paid.
-When the hunter saw the belly of the grandmother, he knew immediately what had happened. (from Little Red Riding Hood)
-Where now stand the ruins were, once proud and damsels in distress waiting for their extended knight.
-After the men had scratched 100m, the women wrapped from her 200m breaststroke.
-The matches must be well hidden, so they get no small children.
- ... and we went with our teacher walks in the park. Opposite the park was a house where the mothers give birth to their children. A uterus looked out the window and waved joyfully.
-Spring is the first of the 4 seasons. In the spring put the chicken eggs and potato farmers.
From the pig-uncle was taken to the barn and there summarily slaughtered with grandfather.
8 days ago, my father sat a tame goldfinch on the head. This was just on my way to work.
-My sister is very sick. She takes a pill every day. But does it secretly so that my parents not to worry.
-When our dog started barking at night, my mother went out and nursed him. The neighbors would otherwise upset.
-The moon is smaller than Earth. This was partly because he's so far away.
-The captain drew his sword, and shot the assailant.
-My aunt had such severe joint pain that she could barely lift his arms over his head. With it went her legs well.
-The period of Queen Elizabeth, took 30 years.
-If my mother had not made an escapade, she was the traffic accident to the victim. But it came with a black eye at the knee.
-When the men came back, they were frozen stiff. They stood around the crackling fire and warmed their stiff limbs.
-In the Middle Ages, people were not as old as today. They had also not as heavy traffic.
-I do not like when in an old movie only dead actor to play.
-Almost all breeds were represented. For review, the owners had their dogs come before the jury, most of them waving it joyfully with the tail.
-Then came the age of enlightenment. Since the people finally learned that one does not propagating through the bee or the stork, but how the children themselves make.
-When Mozart died, one has counted all his compositions and numbered and made a list. It is called the ankle directory.
-One of the most useful animals that we possess is the pig. From it, you can use everything as the meat from front to back, the skin for leather, bristles for brushes and the name of abuse.
Organ and piano differ primarily in that the organ pipes, the larger sit.
-The St. Lawrence River is in America. It is so long and wide that it would have no place in Europe.
-A Catholic sister can not escape because they have to live his life in the monastery.
-Etna is a very active volcano. Only last year, he again had a huge erection.
-A peninsula is an island that is not quite finished.
-Now Tell hid behind a bush, pulled the trigger and the work of liberation was done.
-Many dogs like to go into the water. Some even live there forever, these are the seals.
Schiller would have ended the drama with pleasure, but working on his bride stopped him.
Last Sunday, my father came home very late. He had passed away in the city park.
The figure skater-turned her pirouettes, while her skirt lifted own wind.
-The women's equality was realized. This also applies to traffic. Here, too, it takes the same position.
-Christians wanted that to love all people, and they did so at every opportunity. However, since the Romans had something about it.
-The problem with the old people will not die although less so many. But it grow for ever new.
-Today everyone can study without having to look at the bag to his father.
-During the Thirty Years War was known as the best and toughest soldiers muscular animals.
-People were formerly not so old, even though they had less traffic.
-A circle is a round square.
-All fish lay eggs. The Russian even caviar.
Butter is made ​​from cows. Otherwise it is margarine.
-The zoo is great. As you can see animals that are not's.
-My summer resort on the Baltic Sea was lovely. When I got up in the morning in bed, there was a wonderful sight.
-At the pond was a maid and was milking a cow. In the water it was vice versa.
-The horses wore rosettes in the national colors on the head, and dishes to the tails. Each man was decorated similarly.
-My aunt gave me a piggy bank. She was a pig and had two slots. One for the front and rear paper for Harte.
-Yesterday we had youth skiing. All minutes let the teacher drive one. If in an early came out, he sent it back.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Thirty funny reasons why it's wonderful to be a man


Thirty funny reasons why it's wonderful to be a man ...

1. Phone calls only last 30 seconds.

2. For 5-day vacations you need only ONE suitcase.

3. You do not treat the sex life of your friends.

4. The queues at the toilet are 80% shorter.

5. Old friends, it does not matter whether you have increased or decreased.

6. If you are zapping through TV channels, you need not stop when you see someone crying.

7. Your org-as-ms are not faked.

8. You do not need you to hold the rock, if you go up a flight of stairs.

9. You do not go in groups to the toilet.

10. You can shower in the morning and be ready in 10 minutes.

11. During s-e-x, you must not be worried about your reputation.

12. Your underwear costs $ 20 in packs of three.

13. It makes anyone a thing when you're 34 and not married yet.

14. You can 90% of your time after getting in sex thinking.

15. You have three pairs of shoes which is more than enough.

16. You can take off your shirt easy if you feel too hot.

17. You do not clean your apartment every time company comes.

18. Auto mechanic lie to you.

19. You can spend hours watching TV with a friend without saying a word, without thinking, "he's mad at me."

20. You can sit with her ​​legs spread, without thinking about it, what you're wearing now.

21. You get more money for the same work.

22. People look you not in the hole, when you talk with them.

23. You can visit a friend, without him to take a present.

24. You can buy condoms without the seller imagines how well you look naked.

25. P0-rn movies are made ​​for YOU.

26. You that a person is not sympathetic to say, still does not mean that you can imagine not having sex with her.

27. The remote control is yours alone.

28. There is always a TV channel that runs on just sports.

29. You know just a state of mind.

30. You you do not have to shave your legs ...