Its All Humor

They say the two happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and the day you sell it. Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of Brisbane Business men, who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unknown to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly. When he got back on shore he went into Banksia Beach to pick up a few things at IGA supermarket . A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and said: 'I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible.' Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said: 'Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hol...

Kindergarten Class The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "But what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "But this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself." Bluff call A couple were ...

Short hilarious humor jokes  for your sole entertainment... Virgin Mary and Harry Harry dies.  Mike calls heaven to find out if he's reached. A lady picks up phone: Hello this is Virgin Mary speaking. Mike disconnects & calls again after 1 hr: Hello, this is Mary speaking Mike sighs: Thank God, He's REACHED! =)) Burglar at Police station A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" insisted the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" Husband and wife joke A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his w...

Hilarious Wedding Invitation on Wedding Day P.S. We have no idea WHAT he sees in her !

Gangnam Style these days are very popular and its really fun to watch videos and funny Gangnam style photos. Enjoy different versions of Gangnam styles Gangnam Style Text book version Gangnam-style-with-wolverine 4-steps-Gangnam-style Gangnam-style-international Gangnam-style-on-socks Gangnam-style-on-tshirts

A WOMAN'S POEM:  Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks.. I pray he's rich and self-employed, And when I spend, won't be annoyed. Pull out my chair and hold my hand.. Massage my feet and help me stand. Oh send a king to make me queen. A man who loves to cook and clean. I pray this man will love no other. And relish visits with my mother. A Man's Women A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the ...

What is the speed of darkness? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics? If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? How is it that we put man o...

Rules: If the room has blood, chains and tools in it, for heavens sake - don't walk into it. if you hear a noise...do not investigate if the lights go out...do not go try and fix the fuse do not leave your curtains open Never walk backwards Don' t ever, ever have sex A world where all white women are extinct is scary enough Don't be a virgin Don't be drunk oh, and don't be a black guy. Don't go downstairs Don't run through the woods Don't go back to help someone who falls Don't go in the basement or attic Don't go to sleep Don't watch the tv (especially if a little girl is crawling out of a well) Don't open any boxes or closet doors Don't look out the window woods, avoid them also, farms also avoid: old camp grounds country houses away from  civilization If something scary is happening, for god's sake GET THE FORK OUT OF THERE! Don't just stand there looking at it!  Avoid waiting 28 weeks. Avoid Freddy (hence neve...

Never Hire a Man to do a Woman's Job... A few months ago, there was a job opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available. The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" Wel...

Our english is simple, short, concise, straight to the point, effective etc....... Who got time for grammer, punctuation and others ... Simple and straight WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you. Asian : No Stock. RETURNING A CALL Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago? Asian : Hello, who page? ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY . Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way? Asian : S-kew me WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me. Asian : No-need, lah. WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door? Asian : (pointing the door) can AR? WHEN ENTERTAINING Britons: Please make yourself right at home. Asian : Don't be shy, lah!    (Singaporean english aka singlish)...

ok look when i whas a little boy i loved (pollitos) thats mexican or spanish for chiks  not girls but little yellow chikends  i am not sure what to call them u know the ones that just came out of an egg ok so 1 day i learned that this chiks besides if a big chiken sit's on them they can be made with some mahine that warms eggs and i thought that whas pretty cool i whas just a little kid and i had no money for a machine like that and i had no money to buy a chick but of course i had lots of eggs so after sqashing a couple on mi butt for 2 hours and nothin i remembered that machine so i remembered what it suposed to do so i decided to put the egg on the microwave those really old microwaves that went clink like a bell wen they finish not digital and it whas a huge i mean huge microwave i had little eggs left so i decided to use just 1 ok so i put it in and set it on 10 min on high and im watching tru the window the egg spining around and around 1 hing i forgot to mentio...

Best of funny captchas on internet , i am sure these funny captchas will make you lol ;) Captcha's are part of vital component on internet, you might come across some funny captcha which you have to type ... Please comment on this post if you come across funny captcha like ones below ...

Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission... You're red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date. Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO! You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - your face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it! I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you alw...

A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk replies Im sorry, we dont do business with blondes. So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black. The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we dont do business with blondes. The blonde replied How did you know I was blonde? The clerk says Because thats a microwave, not a T.V.

These days all who use internet think about their internet surfing privacy , how they can achieve 100% privacy while surfing the internet . Here i found a unique way to protect your internet surfing privacy 100%... I mean it... don't trust me ... Scroll down . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him, "Lord, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the 'beginning'." "Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God. "Well", says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man." "Well, that's interesting. Show Me. " So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil. "Oh no, no, no...." interrupts God, (I love this) "Get your own dirt......."

Ever wonder how the movie "The Avengers" effect will have on real human life. And when Pacman talks like an Iron Man this is what happens

We all are very busy watching Euro 2012 , well here i present you brief humor of Euro 2012 with photos ...