Saturday, December 19, 2009

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ø Anger Management really does work

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need
to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you
know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at
my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is
Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"Suddenly a
manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't
believe that anyone could be so rude .

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I
found that I had accidentally transposed the last two
digits.After hanging up with her, I decided to call the
'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I
yelled "You're an a$$hole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'a$$hole' next to it,
and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I
was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and
yell, "You're an a$$hole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic
'~censored~' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number
and said, "Hi,this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly
called him back and said, "That's because you're an a$$hole!"
and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a
parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled
into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and
yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot
ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so
I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after
calling the first ~censored~ (I had is number on speed dial,) I
thought that I'd better call the BMW ~censored~, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"He said,
"Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a
yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm
home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an a$$hole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called ~censored~ #1. He said,
"Hello." I said, "You're an ~censored~!" (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed,
"Stop calling me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you
live?" I said, "A$$hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in
Fairfax, a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in
front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had
better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm
really scared, a$$hole," and hung up.

Then I called A$$hole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello,
~censored~," He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I
said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your a$$," I
answered, "Well, a$$hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that
I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my
way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in
Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got
there just in time to watch two ~censored~ beating the crap out
of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news
helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.