Thursday, February 18, 2010

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Interactive Voice Response of The State Mental Hospital

Following is the IVR(Interactive Voice Response)AKA Digital Phone menu for The State Mental Hospital Would you dare to call this mental hospital after you read/hear the phone options :) i doubt.

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.


Anonymous said...

lol, really funny :D

Lina Rahim said...

so is for real?

rajj said...

Well, its almost real. But not real.
Imagine what would happen if this IVR is really in Operation at mental hospitals. All the callers would end up mentally sick :)

Lina Rahim said...

hahaha..i dun want to call that hospital..if i'm sick it make me even worse..ahahaaaa... :-D :-D :-D

Shortwave said...

Classic! Red this 10 years ago, and it's still funny. One should delete the last two phrases though, i do not remember them from the original. Besides, being blonde or suffering from a menopause are not mental diseases.