Its All Humor

The following is a telephone conversation between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review: Room Service (RS): 'Morrin. - Roon sirbees.' Guest (G): 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.' RS: ' Rye ..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??' G: 'Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs.' RS: 'Ow July den?' G: 'What??' RS: 'Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?' G : 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.' RS: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?' G: 'Crisp will be fine.' RS : 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?' G: 'What?' RS:'An toes. July Sahn toes?' G: 'I don't think so.' RS: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes??' G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.' RS: 'Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?...

We all believe this is happening at our lives because of the technology we use .... 

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8'X10' cell . AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6'X8' cubicle .. IN PRISON you get three meals a day (free). AT WORK you only get a break for one meal and probably have to pay for it yourself . IN PRISON you get time off for good behaviours. AT WORK you get rewarded for good behaviours with more WORK. IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you .. AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself . IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON you get your own toilet . AT WORK you have to share . IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK you can not even speak to your ...

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says : "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends". ******************************************** A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother" Santa wrote back, " SEND ME YOUR MOTHER" **************************************** What is the definition of Mistress? Someone between the Mister and Mattress *********************************** Husband asks: "Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is: W ithout I nformation F ighting E very-time Wife replies: " No,...... It means: W ith I diot F or E ver !!!" ***************************************** What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant. Panic is when both are pregnant. **************************************** Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period? Kid: Yeah, once my sister ...

Q. how did the blonde girl try to kill the bird? A. she threw it off a cliff - A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FRRE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! so the guy asks the barteder what the test is. bartender replies "well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. second, there's a gator out back with a sore tooth... you have to remove it with you bare hands. third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. you gotta make things right for her. "the guy says, " well , as much as i would love the free beer, i won't do it. you have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper taquila and then get crazier from there. well, as time goas on and the man drinks a few, he asks, " wherez zat teegeelah?" he grabs the gallon of teguilla white both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and t...

Dear Sirs, I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1987, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date. For goodness sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.. It is on my National Health card, my driving license, my car insurance, on the last eight damn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms. Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Julie Blank, my father's name is Chris and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!! I apologise...

During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed... ... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Steve. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." Steve says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet." Steve removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Steve says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The auditor can tell Steve isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Steve removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Steve's attorney as a witn...

If   "The Big Bang Theory"  main stars or cast list  Johnny Galecki AKA Leonard Hofstadter, Jim Parsons AKA Sheldon Cooper, Kaley Cuoco AKA Penny,  Simon Helberg AKA Howard, Kunal Nayyar AKA Rajesh Koothrappali, Melissa Rauch AKA Bernadette Rostenkowski and Mayim Bialik AKA Amy Farrah Fowler get to act in the Chinese version of  " The Big Bang Theory " AKA  " 大爆炸理论 " this would how they look in Chinese costumes. Enjoy the pictures... This post is meant to be purely for entertainment, if you find it somehow unethical/abusive kindly leave a comment to remove the funny photos from this post. 

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas Only a hippopotamus will do Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy I want a hippopotamus for Christmas I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you? He won't have to use our dirty chimney flue Just bring him through the front door, that's the easy thing to do I can see me now on Christmas morning , creeping down the stairs Oh what joy and what surprise when I open up my eyes to see a hippo hero standing there I want a hippopotamus for Christmas Only a hippopotamus will do No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses I only like hippopotamuses And hippopotamuses like me too Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then Teacher says a hippo is a Vegeterian There's lots of room for him in our two-car garage I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs Oh what joy and what surprise when I open up my eyes to see a hippo h...

The wall is not a random collection of gooey gums, some people in San Luis Obispo consider the wall a form of art. One can see an array of shapes, words and designs - there are faces and flowers, fraternity and sorority letters, and "I love SLO" spelled out in different colors and sizes. A closer glance at the gum-infested wall will expose an abundance of objects, such as pennies and dimes, sticking out of the wall as eyes for gum faces. If you are squeamish and easily disgusted, never walk along  Bubblegum Alley  and don’t touch the walls because lining the walls on this alley is a thick layer of over-chewed sticky bubble gums. This local tourist landmark is located in  downtown San Luis Obispo, California . The wall in question is 15-foot high and stretches for 70-foot along the alley. This dude needs to get a safety mask. Trying to find the Bubblegum which he contributed to this  Bubblegum wall  when he was a kid. According to the  San L...

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)  If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.  (Guys you wanna be pig in your next life right :) ) Cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.  (30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.  ( I want quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (...

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure? Where is the cat in the catwalk? Do models walk like cats? Which idiot put an 's' in the word lisp? If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Y2K???? maybe 1 K just wasn't enough. If you had amnesia and then were cured, would you remember that you forgot? Why is the word abbreviation so long? Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny? Do hyenas laugh even when they are being killed? Why do we press harder on remote control buttons when we know the battery is dead? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? When you have your ...

Well, Christmas is around the corner and i guess you might like funny cool merry christmas sayings quotes which i have collected here from various sources so you can wish your friends or joke with them.   Merry Christmas !! I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. ~ Bernard Manning. Santa saw your Facebook photos. You're getting clothes and a dictionary for this Christmas - Santa Claus Dear Santa , this year all i want is a fat bank account and a skinny body. Let's try not to mix up the two like you did last year, Ok ;) How to open the buds of Barbara branch until Christmas, so let the man open up to the next light. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. ~ Shirley Temple A candle can burn once and really take the time to do anything further than this Need to make Christmas purchases in crowded stores, causin...

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving ...

WARNING : ONLY Read This Once You Are About To LAUGH OUT LOUD. Hysterics might set in. The writer of this piece paints a very vivid picture... funny stuff . You will laugh - guaranteed! ENJOY!! I went to Bunnings recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to s**t yourself' road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off. Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'. Knowing...

A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in his hand. The husband appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughte...

It was the night of HAPPY THANKSGIVING , but I just couldn't sleep. I tried counting backwards, i tried counting sheep. The leftovers beckoned - the dark meat and white, but i fought the temptation with all of my mighty. Tossing and turning with anticipation, thought of a snack became infatuation. So, I went to the kitchen flung the door open, gazed at the refrigerator, GOODIES galore complete. Gobbled up turkey and potatoes with butter, pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes. I felt myself swelling so complete and so round, "Til suddenly got off the ground. I stumbled through the ceiling, floating into the sky, With mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie. BUT, I managed to yell as I have risen to over TREES .... Happy eating to all - pass cranberries, please. May your stuffing be tasty. May your potatoes and Sauce have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious. May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs. Wish you all have a Wonderful Hap...

I just can't drink the way I used to", replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again". 06:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff". A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm. About half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief". All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age. All your favorite music is in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart. An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee! At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal. Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments." Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. Eating a basket of buffalo wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. Everything hurts and what doesn...

Below are thirty things to avoid hearing in surgery room , god i don't want to be in this situation ever... The left vein's connected to the...right aorta...the left brain's connected to the..stomach bone... Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness. I had a bad feeling about this case, but that tarot card reader made me feel much better. Ah well, you win some, you lose some... Alright everyone, let's dig in. Alright, this is our first operation, we should set up some kind of system. Hmmm...I'm thinking we have a sort of good cop, bad cop thing going on... Alright... today's surgery will be performed by an American doctor... An instruction manual would have been nice. And now presenting: "Trading Spaces: Hospital edition!" And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape. Anyone see where I left that scalpel? At least he doesn't have brain damage... Wait... Now he does. Better save that. We'll need it for the...

1. Sneak inside of cinema without paying 2. Get a venom snake from the zoo or somewhere and let it loose in the cinema. That will scare everyone from there so you can just walk inside. 3. Find out which magazines print coupons for free tickets and contact people that buy those magazines and ask them to give you coupons for free 4. Scan cinema tickets from others and with little Photoshop editing make them into current valid ones 5. Pretend that you're from film industry and that you came to inspect how they're projecting movies 6. Pretend that you're the plumber or electrician and you came to fix something and then switch robes and watch the movie 7. Dig a tunnel underneath the cinema and when the lights go off you climb up 8. Date a ticket seller or projectionist and blackmail them for free pass. 9. Wait in front of the cinema when people are going out after the movie and ask someone to re-tell you the movie. 10. Come in front of the cinem...

In Tianjin province, China In The United States Of America When fuel price shot up in USA In Myanmar American Neighbourhood

Top 5 Funny Omegle Conversations , you can also try chatting yourself on http://omegle.com/ and have fun. 1. Connecting to server… You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You: You just lost the game. Stranger: you are ...... You: i’m blond, what’s your excuse? Stranger: my excuse is that i’m not f..k..p You: You can’t win the game You: You just do a little better each time. Stranger: no, you just get a little bit more ...... each time you talk about it You: I suppose next you’ll call me gay. Stranger: no, because i don’t use gay as an insult You: That’s civilized Stranger: i agree You: I believe those who call others gay do so because they fear that they themselves are gay. You: Makes sense? Stranger: sometimes You: Otherwise they’re just a simian crossbreed. Stranger: other times they are just trying to be cool by saying it, or just say it because they hear others say it and don’t think about what the word means You: I rest my case. You: Those peo...

Here i present you some funny english language conversation between students and teachers …… Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? " ============== Class teacher once said : " pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!" ============== once Chinese teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.." ============== "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.." ============== don't..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down..... ============== it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried  to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said " why is fan not oning" (ing form of on) ============== teacher in a furious mood... write down ur name and father of ur name!! ============== "shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around ============== My man...

Policeman at the beach A policeman   sent   his wife and children   off the sea and   after a he  joined them . He came   to the hotel   and come upon   a woman. - Oh   dear , the children were   in another room , we can not   do   it here . -   You're right , let's go   to the beach. After five   minutes,   the   beach   at sunset   start   passionately   making love. While   the   lovers' embrace ,   next to them   they see a   police officer. -   Shame on you , quickly   dress,   do not do   such things   in public. - Excuse me   -   said the   husband   - this   was a moment   of weakness , we have not   seen   all week . You know   I am   a police officer  too  and it would be   inconvenient   to   charge   me   a penalty. -   OK , you're ...