Its All Humor

Chinese Laundry A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry , so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes : " USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: " USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him: "I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!" Phone Bill The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting. On a Saturday morning after breakfast... Father: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office. Mother: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone. Son: Me too, I never use the home phone...

It's a guy thing. - There is no reason or logic, and do not feel like trying to reach no. "Aha", "Sure, honey" or "Yes, dear." - I am subject to an agreement, but that does not mean I'm listening. "That's interesting, dear." - I know you're still talking. "Honey, do not need material things to prove our love. " - I forgot our anniversary again. "You know how bad my memory is. " - I remember the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've had, but I forgot your birthday. "Hey, I have my reasons for what I'm doing." - It's a guy thing. (see above) "What have I done now?" - I hope you have not been checking my email. "I heard you." - I hear words coming out of his mouth, and now you can stop talking. "No need to read the instructions." - It's my rig...

One fine day all the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge of the body. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood , "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach , "because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, Brain ha...

The Crawfords were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Crawford kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Crawford cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' 'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !. After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?' 'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor...

After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, Garry replied, "That's me before the sex change operation ."

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This is a New Ambulance that has been seen around Los Angeles recently, this is the state of the art ambulance under the new Obama Care system . Please mind this blog is related to humor and do not take it seriously ;)

A rich man often went to Bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So, he went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor examines his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. Otherwise, it will spread and become worse." The businessman was shocked. The last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis. Desperate he thought, "Why don't I consult traditional Chinese medicine . They might have some surprises" So, the Chinese docto r gave him an examination and the doctor said, "We don't have to cut. I'll give you herbs to rub." The rich man was so happy, "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I'm amazed, So what is the exact secret?" The Chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself." The Kind Lawyer One afternoon a wealthy lawye r...

At 80 years of age, Jason married Lucy, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lucy decides that after their wedding she and Jason should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Lucy prepares herself for bed and the expected knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Jason, her 80 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Jason takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lucy hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Jason, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Lucy consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Jason kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Jason Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh...

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.' 'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.' The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . .. You're NOT my flight instructor...?' An old Fox news joke

An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant 70th birthday by staying overnight in one of Las Vegas’s most expensive hotels. When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $1800.00. She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $1800.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast." The clerk told her that $1800.00 is the 'standard rate', so she insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced, "The hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use." 'But I didn't use them," she said. ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager. He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Liverpool...

1)90% of people in Kenya don't drink milk 2)Cobra snake's vision is up to 1km 3)A man can touch sun if his body is completely surrounded by Mercury 4)No twins have been born till now in Greenland 5) Rein deers doesn't have a liver 6) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . All the above details are false. 7)Thanks for believing for a while... 8)Today is not April 1st. 9)But a fool is a fool on any date....