Sunday, October 18, 2009

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Ways to annoy telemarketers

Reply to all their questions in song.

As soon as they name the corporation they represent begin barking relentlessly.

Proudly describe what you found in your ear this morning.

Ask them what color underwear they are wearing today.

Interrupt them repeatedly to describe the beauty of your new toaster.

Ask them repeatedly if they believe in antelopes.

Ask them what they think would happen if you put a frog in a blender later tell them they were wrong.

Ask them for their phone number so that you can call them back and chat some more.

Burst into tears when they try to hang up and scream, "Don't leave me!"

Burst into tears, put the phone down and, "Honey, Don't leave me!"

Tell them about the time you got stuck in the doggy door.

When they ask to speak to you spend a long time trying to decide if that really is your name and after you realize it is ask them to remind you of it occasionally.

In the middle of the conversation start humming the Sesame Street theme song, when they try to speak sound surprised and say, "Is someone there?"

Begin snoring.

Answer every question with the phase, "I like eggs."

Say "Don't you hate it when you get your tongue stuck in a door?"

Start reading them some of your poetry. Then ask if they'd like to buy a book of it.

Suggest that the two of you get together sometime and go bowling.

Ask them what they would do if there was a dead body on the floor of their living room.

Discuss what a wonderful world it would be if we were all born with tails.

Whenever they try to get a word in babble on about how young people these days talk way too much, and don't respect their elders. (Works best if they are clearly older than you.)

If they say you won something, just say "Thank you, I'm in a hurry right now and cant talk so just send the check"

Tell them to hold on a second, set down the phone and sing loudly.

Ask them if they will get you a birthday present.

Hand the phone to the youngest member of the house - preferably under five. If no such person is available, give the phone to a pet.

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